Parenting Tip

"If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things."

-Norman Douglas, British Author (1868-1952)

ScreamFree's Take

It’s an ironic twist of fate that the more things we give to our children, the less creative and self-sufficient they become with those things. I don’t claim to know why this is true, but I do know that I have seen the truth of it play out in countless families I’ve counseled and in my own.

We all have good intentions when we give answers, goodies, and assistance to our children. We like to see them happy. We want them to have the things we never could. We want to give them a leg up in this harsh world. And if we’re honest, we’ll admit that sometimes it’s even less noble than that. It’s just easier to give your child something than to watch them struggle on their own without it. You want your child to learn the value of doing family chores, but the thought of fighting with junior one more time over folding the clothes just sends you off the deep end. Am I alone here?

Here’s what we have to keep in mind when we are tempted to give our kids more and more. The best thing we can give our children is our confidence in them. When they can tell, through our actions, that we believe them to be creative and capable because we don’t rush to rescue them from boredom or hard work, they will start to believe in themselves. Then watch out. They’ll start doing things that neither of you thought possible.

-Hal Runkel, LMFT, Author of ScreamFree Parenting and ScreamFree Marriage